How to Help your Child with ASD with New Siblings

OCTOBER 13, 2020

Preparing to welcome a new baby into your home can be an exciting and happy experience, but it can also be a difficult time of adjustment for older siblings. When older siblings have autism spectrum disorder (ASD), they may need additional consideration, support and attention to assist them to cope with this dramatic change in their life.

Many siblings struggle with mixed feelings when they hear their mother is going to have another baby – excited about having someone new at home, scared that parents will have less time for them, and uncertain about how life at home will change. When a child has ASD, these mixed feelings may be more intense depending on his/her level of functioning and unique traits associated with ASD.

WHY MIGHT IT BE DIFFICULT FOR MY CHILD WITH ASD?

Communication
Many children with ASD struggle with being able to communicate verbally with others, so it may be difficult for them to ask questions they may be wondering about, or talk about emotions they may be feeling.

Managing Change
Children with ASD of have difficulty with managing changes – big and small. Having a new baby in the house leads to many changes – availability of mom and dad/other family members, changes in rules, changes in sleeping routines, and changes in caregivers (family, babysitters, respite services).

Sensory Challenges
Children with ASD may be very sensitive to sounds, smells and touch, or they may seek out that kind of sensory input. New babies tend to be very loud when they cry and they have smelly diapers. The baby may reach out and grab hair or feel heavy when placed in a child’s arms or lap. These sounds, smells and physical sensations may be overwhelming to a child with ASD.

Show family photos to show that families grow and change with the addition of each child.
Show your child pictures of him/her as a baby and talk about his/her growth and changes. Create a story or book together about your growing family. Read this book frequently to your child as it may take time for him/her to understand and to think of questions or worries.

Watch television shows/videos together that have stories about new babies.
Some excellent shows that depict child birth and new babies are Caillou, Dora the Explorer and Arthur. Watching these shows, probably multiple times, can promote discussions on common feelings that children may experience upon the birth of a new baby in the family.

Introduce the idea of ‘babies’ to your child.
Visit other babies and point out other babies when out in the community. Talk about what the babies are doing (e.g., crying, sleeping, breast feeding) and why they might be doing that. If your child is able to understand and do pretend play, role play caring for a baby with a life size doll. To assist your child with adjusting to sharing your attention, you could carry the doll around, pretend to feed it and change its diaper. If your child gets used to seeing you attending to someone other than him/her, it may be less of a shock when their real life sibling arrives. Be careful that your child understands the difference between a doll (an inanimate object) and a baby (who has feelings and can easily be injured).

Anticipate issues and questions that your child may not be able to verbalize and provide simple answers to them.
If you are unsure how your child will respond to the cries of a baby, play audio of a newborn crying. Your child’s response to this will help you plan for how your child will respond to the loud sounds and may also help to desensitize your child to a sound that soon with be inevitable in your home. Introducing information and watching your child’s response early in your pregnancy will provide you time to make the necessary environmental changes.

Teach things you want your child to know about being an older sibling.
You may need to teach and model the meaning of words like ‘gentle’ and ‘fragile’. Ensure your child knows and complies with safety words like ‘stop’. Teach these behaviors by using lots of praise and other meaningful rewards for behaviours you want to see. You may need to practice what these behaviours look like in various situations and with various people giving those instructions. Have your child practice things he/she may want to help you with that would be safe with the baby (e.g., getting diapers and wipes, turning on a music box, folding blankets and baby clothes, etc.).

Plan for divided attention and help your child get to know alternative caregivers.
Make your child’s social world bigger before the baby is born by arranging visits with grandparents or other family members who may help out while you are in hospital and after the baby arrives. Plan a routine for special time with dad or other close adults who will be available after the baby’s birth to help out with your child. You may need to plan for getting ‘respite care’ for your child with ASD as you may need some time without trying to meet the needs of both an infant and your other child.

Anticipate your needs for additional support services.
If your child has difficulty with aggressive or unpredictable behaviour, seek help well in advance. There are often wait lists for services and any form of treatment may take time to have impact on your family’s functioning. Speak to your ASD service provider, school social worker or family doctor for assistance in arranging for these services.

Make major changes early and before the baby is born.
You may need to move your child to another bedroom or to a new bed. Make this move a positive experience and do it well before the baby arrives. You may need to increase time spent at day care or change a school routine (e.g., staying at school for lunch). Speak with the contact person at these programs to arrange for making these changes at least two months prior to the baby’s birth. Also plan to teach major self help skills (e.g., toilet training, dressing self) well before the baby is born when you have more time and also to prevent your child from feeling like you expect more because you are too busy with the baby.

Take care of important tasks.
This may include school registration, making doctor and dentist appointments, and compiling paperwork for important meetings. Shop early for equipment you may need such as safety gates to block access to the baby and other necessities. Plan early for emergencies such as premature labour/delivery, unexpected hospital admissions or health problems that limit your ability to care for your child.

Startle in response to loud noises?	YES NO
Turn to where a sound is coming from?	YES NO
Make different cries for different needs (hungry, tired)?	YES NO
Watch your face as you talk?	YES NO
Smile/laugh in response to your smiles and laughs?	YES NO
Imitate coughs or other sounds such as ah, eh, buh	YES NO

Respond to their name?	YES NO
Respond to the telephone ringing or a knock at the door?	YES NO
Understand being told no?	YES NO
Get what they want through using gestures (reaching to be picked up)?	YES NO
Play social games with you (Peek-a-Boo)?	YES NO
Enjoy being around people?	YES NO
Babble and repeat sounds such as babababa or duhduhduh?	YES NO

Follow simple one-step directions (sit down)?	YES NO
Look across the room to a toy when adult points at it?	YES NO
Consistently use three to five words?	YES NO
Use gestures to communicate (waves hi/bye, shakes head for no)?	YES NO
Get your attention using sounds, gestures and pointing while looking at your eyes?	YES NO
Bring you toys to show you?	YES NO
Perform for social attention and praise?	YES NO
Combine lots of sounds together as though talking (abada baduh abee)?	YES NO
Show an interest in simple picture books?	YES NO

Understand the meaning of in and out, off and on?	YES NO
Point to more than 2 body parts when asked?	YES NO
Use at least 20 words consistently?	YES NO
Respond with words or gestures to simple questions (Where's teddy? What's that?)?	YES NO
Demonstrate some pretend play with toys (gives teddy bear a drink, pretends a bowl is a hat)?	YES NO
Make at least four different consonant sounds (p ,b, m, n, d, g, w, h)?	YES NO
Enjoy being read to and sharing simple books with you?	YES NO
Point to pictures using one finger?	YES NO

Follow two-step directions (Go find your teddy bear and show it to Grandma.)?	YES NO
Use 100 to 150 words?	YES NO
Use at least two pronouns (you, me, mine)?	YES NO
Consistently combine two to four words in short phrases (Daddy hat. Truck go down.)?	YES NO
Enjoy being around other children?	YES NO
Begin to offer toys to other children and imitate other children's actions and words?	YES NO
Use words that are understood by others 50 to 60 per cent of the time?	YES NO
Form words or sounds easily and without effort?	YES NO
Hold books the right way up and turn the pages?	YES NO
Read to stuffed animals or toys?	YES NO
Scribble with crayons?	YES NO

How to Help your Child with ASD with New Siblings

WHY MIGHT IT BE DIFFICULT FOR MY CHILD WITH ASD?

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Understand the concepts of size (big/little) and quantity (a little/a lot, more)?	YES NO
Use some adult grammar (two cookies, bird flying, I jumped)?	YES NO
Use over 350 words?	YES NO
Use action words such as run, spill, fall?	YES NO
Participate in some turn-taking activities with peers, using both words and toys?	YES NO
Demonstrate concern when another child is hurt or sad?	YES NO
Combine several actions in play (puts blocks in the train and drives the train, drops the blocks off.)?	YES NO
Put sounds at the beginning of most words?	YES NO
Use words with two or more syllables or beats (ba-na-na, com-pu-ter, a-pple)?	YES NO
Recognize familiar logos and signs involving print (Stop sign)?	YES NO
Remember and understand familiar stories?	YES NO

Understand who, what, where and why questions?	YES NO
Create long sentences using five to eight words?	YES NO
Talk about past events (trip to grandparents house, day at child care)?	YES NO
Tell simple stories?	YES NO
Show affection for favourite playmates?	YES NO
Engage in multi-step pretend play (pretending to cook a meal, repair a car)?	YES NO
Talk in a way that most people outside of the family understand what she/he is saying most of the time?	YES NO
Have an understanding of the function of print (menus, lists, signs)?	YES NO
Show interest in, and awareness of, rhyming words?	YES NO
Read to stuffed animals or toys?	YES NO
Scribble with crayons?	YES NO

Follow directions involving three or more steps (First get some paper, then draw a picture and give it to Mommy)?	YES NO
Use adult type grammar?	YES NO
Tell stories with a beginning, middle and end?	YES NO
Talk to try and solve problems with adults and with other children?	YES NO
Show increasingly complex imaginary play?	YES NO
Talk in a way that is understood by strangers almost all the time?	YES NO
Generate simple rhymes (cat-bat)?	YES NO
Match some letters with their sounds (letter b says buh, letter t says tuh)?	YES NO

How to Help your Child with ASD with New Siblings

WHY MIGHT IT BE DIFFICULT FOR MY CHILD WITH ASD?

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